from now on my penis is your penis
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
