I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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