At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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