i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
