he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Couch. On fire.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
