it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
