Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize