Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Screwed.edu
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
