i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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