if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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