last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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