As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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