you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
