I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
