1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
