oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
