girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
