sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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