you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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