i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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