So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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