Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
