okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
