You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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