I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
