I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
