I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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