And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
