Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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