I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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