I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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