The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
