The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
