New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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