Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
