I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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