last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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