You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
