she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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