Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
