his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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