you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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