the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize