sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
