I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
