Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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