My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
