its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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