She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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