summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
