I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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