They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
