Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
