Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
