I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
