Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
