I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
