Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
