it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
