I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
