So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize