Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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