I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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