never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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