So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
