i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
