His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
