I cut my penus on the lid.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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