you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
