Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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