I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
