i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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